Everyone keeps telling me that “the days are long, but the years are short.” This, of course, being in reference to your children growing up and how difficult the days seems compared to the seemingly lightening speed of them growing before your eyes. I will say that I think they are right, but sometimes, on the hardest of days, the years also seem long.
I find myself wondering why my 2.5 year old (3 in June) just can’t be more grown up and help me more, or cry less, or need less from me. I wonder why my six week old can’t just sleep longer than three hours… and that’s just one stretch a night, it’s typically 1.5 hours at a time. I feel like, when they are older and need me less, life will be easier. And I think it will be, in a way, but it’ll also be harder because, well, they will need me less.
Motherhood is an absolutely exhausting, frustrating, confusing, wonderful time. In a five minute span I can go from completely elated looking at my son, to clenching my teeth at my daughter, to begging my son to just quit crying for two minutes, to laughing at my daughter. I feel like I have an entire auditorium full of people living inside of me, and sometimes I’m not sure that even one of them is actually me. I think I stepped out a while ago to run some errands and just never returned. I’m hoping one day I’ll feel like myself again, instead of this multiple personalitied (yes, today it’s a word) crazy mom lady.
One day, I’ll look back and realize the days were shorter than I thought. I try to keep this in mind when I wake up in the morning and realize I have another long day ahead of me. I mentally prep for my daughter throwing tantrums, my son wanting to nurse and sleep on my lap and no where else. I try to remember that my daughter is going to say something hilarious, like yesterday when she sang “jingle bells, jingle bells, Santa smells like cheese,” and that my son may just sleep in the pack and play by himself, and that, interestingly enough, I will be sad that he’s not sleeping on my lap, and also grateful. I will remember that I am only a human, raising other humans. We are all trying to have our best day, every day, but that’s not realistic. The best I can hope for are a lot more good days than bad, and right now, I’m lucky enough to say that’s what I have.